This year I made a promise to myself that I was going to try and be more comfortable with who I am. I really just want to accept myself and not have to convince others with some façade. We should all be proud of who we are and not just pander to others to gain ‘cool points’.
An issue that helped me realise this more was that of Online Dating. After being single for awhile I decided to try it and filling out a profile stumped me. I had to explain to potential love interests who I was, more importantly I had to make myself sound interesting and attractive. This was hard. All my interests and passions just happen to also be some of the nerdiest and geekiest things in the world, Video Games, Comics, Anime, the whole shibang and, for years when I was younger, I wouldn’t like to admit this to anyone. Now I am far more open, however it still not the typical thing to fill out on a site like that. So should I downplay it? These are my passions. Some weeks I’ll spend more hours on video games then I will asleep. Surely in the interest of finding someone to ‘love’ you shouldn’t sugar coat?
The whole idea of filling out a profile, to me atleast, is just like laying bait. You are offering small, tempting, nuggets of truth to people in the hope they take you up on it, then slowly you reveal more of yourself, hoping that by that time they like the rest of you to accept some of these things. This seems so dishonest. At the end of the day, I’m not desperate to find someone else, I’m happy at the moment. So I feel that by being more honest, more proud of who I am, anyone I do find would be worth finding.
Sorry to ramble, but I’m now getting to the point. I also realised there was some sort of hypocritical nature to my blog. Its private. You can’t read it, until now. I realised that by hiding my thoughts and feelings away in a blog, I was literally doing just that. I was not being honest, and wasn’t being open.
I love meeting new people, but I’m terrified to do it. Maybe by opening up this blog I might find like-minded individuals. Heck, there’s so many blogs on here anyway that nobody will find me, so why hide behind privacy?
This is my blog, its my thoughts, its my feelings, and its me. I am proud of what I write, what I feel, and what I think. And who knows, maybe I’ll update more if someone actually reads?