Recently I’ve been thinking it’s important for me to start Blogging again. Not because I want people to read this but that I need to start expressing myself again. I am in a situation I currently find depressing and, what’s more, is I also feel I have relatively few people I know and can actually discuss things with. This is mainly because I’m not entirely open to pushing my feelings in other people’s faces and also believe other people won’t understand, or think I’m unhappy due to petty reasons. My housemate, and closest friend, for instance, does little to open a dialogue, instead passing it off as me being over emotional. He never asks why, merely criticises or takes personal offence. Similarly a recent events in my life caused me a huge deal of criticism from my friends at home. Nobody was interested in ‘why’ everyone was just quick to judge me and critique my decisions. I am against simply telling someone how I’m feeling without being asked, I find it rude and egotistical so I keep it to myself. But anyway. I’m going off tangent.
I think it’s important for me to blog again because I also want to start seeing a counselor; but I don’t want to see a counselor without first trying to help myself. It’s also important as it’s a record of personal Information. I carry a tablet with me, it’s easy to document my feelings on the move. I can then reflect back and hopefully begin to make sense of my head. What exists on this page after I’ve written it can be scrutinised by a future me at a future date. However, at the same time it’s an accurate record of how I’m feeling at this exact moment.
This blog will continue to be public as I feel I have nothing to hide, I also feel nobody will read this or care so I have no reason to hide it should I have any secrets.
For now, this is an absolutely awful opening to the restart of my blog but it’s an accurate account of my current mood. A mood where I’m angry at the world for things I can’t change, things I should probably get over and move on from. But still, let’s see it as a stepping stone and try to move forward from it in future. I’ll hopefully touch on some of the issues in future blog updates, I could say it all now but I’d run out of room!