Well, doesn’t time fly?
It’s been awhile since my last blog – almost 3 full months in fact. So it’s fair to say that quite a lot has changed; in me, and around me. I’ve had a few blogs half written in the interim, and I’ll hopefully still come back to these, but I figured now was a time for self reflection and an update of how things are going.
So, where to begin?
Well lets do this chronologically. Back when I wrote that blog, my thoughts, feelings, and aspects of my personality changed quite dramatically. At least, that’s how it seemed to me. Whether I showed this on the surface, whether anyone picked up on it besides myself, I really don’t know, but inside I felt like a brand new person. I was happier, I was ready to say “Yes” to more things and tackle new goals. In fact, I was noticing that a lot of my mentality had actually been gearing this way for awhile, I’d been slowly collecting a lot of mental resources and habits I needed to ‘be happier’ before I even started the Quest. This was just that final push, that embankment after preparation was done. I started being less judgmental (there’s a big blog post there), being more open minded, being willing to try; I was motivated and I was just enjoying the little things. My head still wasn’t 100% right, I didn’t know where I wanted to be in life, and I was still generally pretty confused at times; but I was happier. It was a start. A start I thought would only get better when my environment changed, which it did about 5 weeks ago.
The last blog I posted had been written in a house, that I shared and rented, in Derby, where I had very few friends, whilst working in a job I felt no enjoyment or satisfaction for. This blog has been written under opposite conditions. It’s written in my bedroom, of my parents house, in Solihull, where I’m surrounded by friends, whilst working at a new job, that I enjoy and feel no resentment towards. Quite the change of environment!
So has my environment changed me? Well, kind of, but not in a completely positive way. I’m certainly not unhappy here, in fact the first several weeks I loved it; I was beaming. I had all my friends around, I had my family, I was eating good food and had a good job. You could say practically everything was better, and it is, I’m definitely not disputing that, however I sometimes feel the apathy slowly starting to creep back; the apathy I’d started this quest to stave off. It’s not deeply rooted yet, and I don’t plan to let it get to that stage, but I’ve had an epiphany as to why it might be back and I’d like to share it. The reason? Comfort. I think comfort equals complacency. I think as much as we desire to be comfortable, to me live lives of luxury and riches, I think we end up becoming complacent and taking it for granted. I think this was why it was so easy to change to begin with, I wasn’t comfortable in Derby, I had daily challenges, problems to deal with, so it was easier to start noticing the things I did love, the things that did make me happy. Here, surrounded by comfort, I’ve become lazy, demotivated, and less eager to change. But not anymore! I assure you I’ve noticed it, and I’m not letting it catch up with me just yet. I’m taking steps to combat it; blogging again being one.
Sure, there are other factors. “Maybe,” a negative voice in my head says, “this happiness quest was a short lived thing?”. “Maybe,” It glumly continues, “You’re already back to your old ways, its run its course, you’ve lost motivation like with everything else in your life?” But I laugh at it, because I have proof it all works, and I know in my heart I will continue. So watch this space. I’m better than I was, but not as good as I could be. So the quest isn’t over, nor do I think it will be any time soon, I doubt it will be over at all in this life span, but I can keep pushing forward to get there.