“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
If this sounds reminiscent of one of my previous blogs please forgive me… I’m just still processing this.
I think we all daydream of what we wish our lives to be like; living as Kings and Queens, astronauts, artists and any other fantasies. I think we also daydream more realistic scenarios; where our job paid more, our friends didn’t annoy us, and we had more motivation to live our lives. It’s the latter that I’m most guilty of. I’ve become someone who complains and blames, rather than someone who uses that to drive him.
For instance, when my jobs getting to me I begin to daydream of a future where I’m in a studio, editing photos, or writing fiction, perhaps having a smoke and feeling content with myself. It’s an image my mind quickly refers to, and it’s an image that, rather than spurring me on, is perhaps leaving me bitter for the time I’m in now.
The thing is, my daydreams have stopped becoming ambitions and they’ve stopped becoming driving factors of getting me to where I want to be; they’ve instead become detrimental to the time I’m in now. Because my current job isn’t the fantasy I want it to be, it suddenly becomes a source of trouble in my life; it’s the reason I’m not more creative, it’s the reason I don’t have more free time.
This illusion of a better life is just that; an illusion. The better life we seek is wherever we want it to be. My better life is right here… If only I’d see it.
Rather than wishing life was different, I need to change my perspective. When I argue with a loved one it’s because they love me enough to be bothered. When my job is getting to me, I should realise that it’s something I’m lucky to have. Every argument that I blame myself for, every time I make a mistake at work, every time I feel my confidence sapped away by mistakes and bickering, I need to remember that this can be that better life.
If only I’d concentrated on the things I’ve missed the past few years, the things that have been right there in front of me all this time, maybe I’d have felt more confident and I’d have done those things I wanted to do. And if that hadn’t worked, maybe I could utilise my frustration in a healthy way, in a way that spurs me on towards that studio in my dreams.
If I could learn from my mistakes, rather than feeling down about them, if I could choose action over self destruction, maybe I can gain my positivity back, maybe I could gain my confidence back.
My world doesn’t need to change, but I do need to change myself.