I haven’t had much time to myself recently. It feels like my schedule is forever getting busier and I just don’t have chance to step back and breathe in my own space. Heck, I haven’t sat down and properly played a video game in about 2 weeks, which for me is some sort of record. That’s why, when I finally had a long weekend without any significant plans, the idea of cleaning and packing up my flat, in anticipation of the big move, was not a welcome one.
You see, I book my time off to do nothing. It sounds bizarre. All my work colleagues book time for grand vacations, weekends away, and special family occasions. I do that too, to an extent, but I mainly invest my holiday hours into just simply having no plans; sitting down, relaxing, playing a game… Bliss. Whilst many of you would argue I’m wasting my time off, I’d argue that “time enjoyed wasted is not wasted time“. Then I’d sit there feeling all smug about myself. But, as it stands, this weekend has been slightly different so far, and I’m now arguing to myself that it’s a good thing, and it’s all because of “reward“.
Waking up today and knowing I had to face the growing monstrosity of mess in my bedroom was not a positive. In fact, I lay in bed for an extra hour just watching YouTube, trying to block out the mounds of dirty clothes and empty wrappers from my peripherals. When I finally did start, I did it slowly; I continued watching YouTube and moved the odd item or two into a different location… It was hardly tidying. All the the time I was sighing, rolling my eyes, and cursing my past-self for his sheer laziness. Then it all changed. I snapped. I turned off my Videos and worked. I cleaned, I packed, I tackled piles of seemingly-living dust. I sweated, I sneezed, I shuddered my way through it all. Hours later, when my energy neared depletion and my shirt clung tightly to my chest through my own perspiration, I looked on my room and saw… That I hadn’t done a lot. My room, as small as it may seem, is that chock full of sheer crap it was going to take more than a few hours on a Sunday to clear. It can seem disheartening; to struggle for so long only to get so far. That’s not how I’ve took it today though. Today I am proud. Today I feel genuinely over-joyed that I’ve done something so productive, even when my week-long mindset has been “I’m going to absolutely hate Sunday“.
I’ve learnt now that actually doing something productive makes the rest of my day feel so rewarding. I’d usually consider my time off to be the reward in itself, but as much as I love spending a whole day just invested in video games, I have a feeling I’d enjoy it a lot more if I spent the morning/afternoon just tackling something productive; if I “reward” myself for taking on the challenge of chores. In fact, I spent the whole day yesterday just chilling out, and today already feels more positive. Now that I’ve done the things I’ve been dreading, I can relax, play a game, or, as I have done, use that inspiration to write a blog.
I’m not pretending this is a recent discovery, I knew full well about the concept of “reward“, and actually use it a fair bit when spending evenings editing photo’s. What I don’t do, however, is take it on board in every day; that’s what today has hit home.