Do you ever let your disorganisation get the better of you? I do.
Today I am celebrating Kirstys Birthday, so again this post has been scheduled in advance. In truth, most of my blog posts tend to be scheduled at least a few days in advance (at time of writing I have 4 post scheduled!) and it’s rare that I post on the same day as writing something. It’s better that way. It means I have more time to add information, more chance of correcting errors I’ve made, and it means I’m not just hitting you, the wonderful reader, with information on random days; you can follow along on predefined days and I have deadlines to hit which make me feel more productive. It also negates a lot of stress.
When I used to write a blog post with the intention of it going live that day, it would have a fair bit of stress around it. I’d be worried about it coming out too late, I’d be worried about all my typos, my spelling errors, and I’d be worried about missing out content I would like to add in. Plenty of times I have written a post, only to realise the tangent I end up on is it’s own post entirely. With enough time, I can split the posts and make two brand new things… Two weeks work done and dusted there!
So, why am I not like that in the rest of my life? I’ve written before about how a lot of my anxiety is caused by my own disorganisation. You can read that post here: 3 Steps to Help Combat your Anxieties!. If I think back to times I’ve been most stressed, it’s normally due to something I could have mitigated against. To use an example… there was the the time I needed to Tax my car… I left it to the last day, I didn’t have the correct documents, I couldn’t get through the phone system, and I had somewhere I needed to go. I got it all sorted in the end, but that moment of anxiety and stress was crushing.
For an even more recent example we can use the wedding last week: I’m so used to being a photographer at a wedding that I took all my equipment, but I forgot that, as a guest, I’d be wearing a dress shirt (I’d left my cufflinks behind), I couldn’t find my best tie (despite having it about a week previous), and I needed a new belt (but didn’t realise until I was getting changed). Now, I didn’t majorly stress about these things, I knew I could solve them (And solve them I did – I drove into Solihull and bought a new tie, a cufflink set, and someone had a spare belt), but there was still some anxiety there with the potential to ruin a great day. Could I have stopped this from happening all together? Yes! I could have been prepared!
There’s some part of me, some element deep down, that just doesn’t like getting stuff done in advance. I like to put stuff off until the last minute, only to have it come back to bite me, and I don’t know why. I don’t know why I can’t just think to myself “that needs doing” and then just simply do it. I don’t know why I feel this need to just put stuff off. Sometimes it’s like an anxiety all of its own, it’s like I feel uncomfortable doing stuff straight away… especially if there’s a potential for failure. It’s almost as though my head says: Why choose to do something you could fail in, or that could have an negative effect, if you can do it at a later date when the choice isn’t optional? When the negative effect is coming whether you like it or not? This is how I see the car tax. In the back of my head I knew I didn’t have the right documents, I knew I’d get stressed on a phone-call (talking on the phone makes me really uncomfortable), and I knew there’d be a big cost associated with paying my tax. All of that made for me to put it off, thinking “Why ruin a good day doing this/Why make a bad day worse by doing this… I could do it later“.
Getting stuff ready for the wedding, on the other hand, was just pure oversight. I made sure I prepared all my photography stuff, batteries were at the ready, memory cards were wiped, lens’ were cleaned. I forgot about being a Guest though, I didn’t take that into account and I forgot/lost/didn’t buy some not-too-essential-but-nice-to-have-Guest-Dress-items. In the end, it all comes down to learning from my mistakes. I’m not great at that, the fact I’ve written an entire blog post about it before and still haven’t learnt is evidence enough. Maybe now though, it’ll sink in. Maybe now I’ll be more organised. We can only wait and find out.