One of the things I’ve noticed recently is how productivity can have a huge impact on your feelings of self worth.
By now, I’ve well documented the ups and downs of my mental health, trying to address where it goes wrong and where it gets better; honestly it’s making me a little sea sick. It’s also not doing my blog any favours, as there’s these large absences and bookend by various apologies. I’ve talked before about catching the snowball, but sometimes I let it roll too far. The emphasis, after all, is meant to be on the catching.
Over the last weekend, though, I’ve realised that one thing I’ve been ignoring is the effect of productivity. When I feel at my lowest my productivity dries up to nout. You’ll have noticed this yourself, if you’re an reader, and especially if you’re a comment-writer on my blog. The posts don’t hit deadlines, the replies to comments never happen, and the task of getting back on track becomes even more daunting with each passing day (That’s the snowball rolling). That is a symptom; a symptom of both a mental health issue and a productivity issue, and amazingly they both go hand in hand.
What I’ve slowly began to realise is that as lazy as I am, as much as I kick and fight with myself, as much as my brain tells me I want to slump into the lowest part of the sofa and spend hours watching TV, I actually feel so much better overall when I’ve been productive. When I spent all of Saturday cleaning, I actually felt better about sitting on that sofa in the evening. When I spent all of Sunday doing DIY, both in my own home and in my Dads shop, I felt so much better enjoying a cider in the garden as the sun was going down.
Like with most of my ‘realisations‘ it’s something I’ve always known, but it’s self advise I’ve never really heeded. It’s because it takes effort, and we all know I’m shy of that, and it’s because it means going against my usual grain. My habit, my instinct, is seek the laziest option. When given the chance to spend a night on the sofa, when given the chance to seek immediate gratification over some hard work, I am already halfway into the first scenario before even considering the second. Occasionally, this is great. A lazy Sunday can be everything. Every day, though? Go to work, come home, do nothing, go to bed. That unproductivity is going to leak into my life and it’s going to have such a negative effect. “Time enjoyed wasted is not wasted time”, but time wasted everyday will no longer have that novelty. Not only do your chores mount up, but the guilt mounts up; the tasks become more daunting to face and your environment suffers. Your home is no longer a sanctuary of comfort, it becomes a stark reminder of the life you’re not living. If your home feels like that, if the environment you are meant to feel at your best at feels like that, then how are you going to feel about yourself? Personally, I begin to feel a resentment towards everything; towards myself and towards the lifestyle I lead. Self hate will get you nowhere.
Whether or not this is new information to you, I only hope you surround yourselves with productivity too. If you’re anything like me, it can be the opposite of what you want to do, but it is almost certainly what you need to do. I am a recent convert of this, I fully believe that productivity is key to positivity.