The Powers of (Mis)communication

Have you ever realised how much upset and annoyance can stem from a simple lack of communication?

A few weeks ago I talked about stress and anxiety in: 3 Steps to Help Combat your Anxieties!. There I mentioned that arguing with Kirsty was one of the things that brought me stress, but that things aren’t as simply as just ‘deciding to stop arguing’, instead you have to find a way to combat that, to avoid having reason to argue in the first place.

Last week, I talked about Seeking Sanctuary after my housemate moving out, and, whilst trying (and failing, a little? You be the judge!) to avoid going into rant-mode, I also wanted to talk about one of the things that upset the balance most.

Both these two points stem from the same source; both of them are a lack of communication.

Kirsty often gets annoyed with me when I don’t do something she expects of me, sometimes this is me not doing as I said I would, sometimes it’s me not doing something I didn’t even know was expected of me; all of it is a problem with communication. Maybe I didn’t listen when Kirsty was explaining something, and mid-argument I realise she’s right, maybe I didn’t communicate when, or how, I was going to do something and had left Kirsty with a different expectation than myself. If, in the first instance, we’d communicated better, if we’d explained and listened, explained and listened, than we could avoid arguments around those issues.

To prove this point, there have been times we’ve had arguments that, when you get down to the bare bones of it, stem from me meaning one thing and Kirsty meaning something completely different. That leads to an argument you can’t conclude, neither of you are listening, neither of you realise the argument is futile and, by its very nature, has no end. Sometimes, though more rarely, we’ll actually be in agreement, but arguing because we’re using different language; our shared goal lost in translation. When we realise that’s our cause, simple miscommunication, we settle back down, but how long have we wasted arguing? How tense have we left an otherwise pleasant and peaceful evening?

Similarly, many of the negativity from having a housemate stemmed from a lack of communication. Whilst waiting for him to move out, it never seemed there was any progress, it lead to feeling like no effort was being made (though I’m sure it was, just behind the scenes), we had no word when he was going to be in, or out, or when his girlfriend was going to be round as well; the closest we got was being asked if it was ok, whilst she’s there behind him, how can you say no? The thing was, we never wanted to say No, we liked them both and who would deny a young couple to share each other’s company? We just wanted a heads-up, a show of respect. Then came the move out, they had the keys, they had the place… and two weeks later there was no eagerness to move, their attentions more fixed on decorating and sorting than packing and leaving. Again, whilst we so eagerly craved our own space, we would have nothing against them delaying a week, two weeks, even three… but there was no communication. We weren’t kept up to date with their plans, therefore we became annoyed and irritated when they happened around us.

We’ve spoken since on the topic, I addressed my housemate and asked a question to the effect of “Why don’t you keep me informed of things?” and his response was because he felt awkward, and because I never asked. Well, I never asked because I felt awkward… Miscommunication, lack of communication, how much easier would the past five months have been if we had just had a simple conversation? If we’d explained and listened? One of us could have extended the olive branch; one of us could have saved the mutual awkwardness.

My problem is I hate confrontation; I’m passive aggressive, I’m petty. I’d rather say “I’m fine” than explain how someone has annoyed me. Half of it is through fear of upsetting someone else, half of it is through an expectation that someone should know they’ve upset me… but that’s not how the world works. Sometimes people are utterly clueless, regardless of the (seemingly) huge hints you leave in their wake. It’s just not a productive way of conducting life.

The world needs more people that communicate, more people that actually explain what’s wrong, and more people that listen to another’s points before reacted. Explaining, listening. Explaining, listening. When we shout over everyone, when we only hear the points we make ourselves, everyone is deaf.

Kirsty and I have took that on board. We’ve started to listen to each other in full, to try and provide comfort to each other when we open up as we realise it’s sometimes difficult to do so. More importantly, we’ve begun to listen to things. When Kirsty used to say “I wish you’d washed up today”, I used to hear “Why don’t you do anything at all in the house?”, when really she meant “I wish you’d washed up today”. We’re communicating now; we’re explaining, we’re listening.

Do you agree? How important do you feel communication is? And do you have any tips to ensure a healthy dialogue? Let me know in the comments below!

Making Connections: A Thursday Thought

For a reason I can’t explain I’ve been thinking a lot about connections.

It’s strange to think just how many connections we make in everyday life, be them professional or personal, big or small. The word itself has connotations of business, the old adage of “It’s who you know, not what you know”, and from there there’s a pressure around the need to network; the need to find people who can provide a helpful step up the proverbial ladder, a proverbial foot in the proverbial door.

In fact, connections can be something completely different; it doesn’t have to all be red tape and white collars. My blog was born over 5 years ago, a mere journal for me to jot down some thoughts at the time, but it was only ever something I looked at once a year, if that, and never really took seriously. Fast forward to last year, one of my best friend’s, Andy, convinced me to join a creative writing course, where we were introduced (and then ‘connected’) with Shelley. She convinced me it was worthwhile taking my blog seriously and really putting myself out there. From that connection, I’ve found many different people from all around the world; I’ve joined writing prompts, I’ve joined challenges, and I’ve joined Facebook groups. Connections leading to connections.

It can be easy to think a connection is something more tangible, it’s someone you can point to, someone who’s number you have, someone who ‘knows a guy’; really a connection can be something as small as a shared smile. By writing, by creating art, by simply giving form to our internal thought processes, we create potential connections that can span further and longer than mortal life. We are still connected now by works of art, by literature, by film or by photograph. We are connected to people we will never meet, or who’s names we’ll never know. To share our art is to create a connection en mass. To me, that’s beautiful. To me, that’s worthwhile.

Connections give us a power. They can give us support, they can give us guidance, and through them we can share our passion and our philosophy. We were born a social species, our evolution was encouraged by our communication, and through it we continue to better ourselves. By sharing our thoughts we are able to better each other; simply by increasing understanding and by portraying different perspectives. We live in a time now when our communication has transcended physical movement and speak; we exist in a world where we can learn from people across the globe. Right now there has been no better time to forge ‘connections’.

When I sat down to write this Thursday Thought, I wasn’t expecting to write so passionately, but now, writing this final paragraph, I feel genuinely moved. A connection is something more than a mere contact in a faceless industry, it is an ability to create understanding between us. When I write my blog posts, I first and foremost write them for me, but within them I try to include a positive angle; I try to promote my belief that we can all be good, that we can all be inspirational, and that we can all benefit from sharing. Nothing warms my heart more dearly than when I see us helping each other. Regardless of how we do it, be it charity work, random acts of kindness, or something as ‘trivial’ as writing a blog, we put aside differences and judgements to make the world a better place. If that isn’t making connections, I don’t know what is.

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Completely off topic: If you’re a blogger in the UK, or even further afield but interested in traveling, why not come to the Bloggers Bash? Details can be found here: BLOGGERS BASH TICKETS ON SALE NOW!!!

At The End: A Monday Motivations

I cowered, hunched against the cold, metal corridors of the ships interior; my naked flesh shivering and frost-bitten by the lifeless surroundings.

From the screens I saw stars, entities I’d only witnessed from the confines of Earth, slip by us without a care and over the intercom I heard the laughter, His laughter, cruel and sharp like a scalpel edge.

How or why He’d brought me here, I did not know, and all He’d say between His awful, insane laughter was “I am you. I am your Future. We are at the End”.

*****

Finally! I’m back doing another prompt for Esther Newton’s Monday Motivations. I’ve been taking a bit of an unintentional break from prompts, but hopefully I’ll be back on it this week.

The themes for this week were: Laughter, Cold, The Future.

A big thank you for Esther for running these Monday Motivations and hopefully this is a sign that I’m going to be doing my other prompts too this week. If you want to see my previous entries, there is either Creation, The Musician or Gold & Misery!

The Juice Thief: Writespiration #5

 

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The odds were stacked against him.

He knew the patterns, the signs, and, when it was time, he spread his wings and fell; dive-bombing downward.

Moments later, the stall owner returned to find his jug was no longer full of his famous grape juice, but full of a wobbly, hiccuping pigeon instead.

*****

Seems today is the day for humorous stories? I started this one yesterday, had the idea, but not the execution. Still, I’m happy with it and it made me smile imaging it as I wrote. Another wonderful challenge posed by Sacha, in which we had to write a 52 word piece using only the prompt: Time, Stack, Juice, Pigeon.

The Trooper: A 3LT

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He looked at himself in the mirror beside the easel and sighed; his visor steaming up in front of his eyes.

Maybe he wasn’t cut out to be a painter? Maybe there was a reason he’d been designed as a Stormtrooper™ and that was all he was meant to be?

“Fuck it!” he shouted, splattering paint against the blank canvas, “I won’t have my decisions made for me!”

*****

I may have just finished listening to John Scalzi’s Redshirts (Narrated by Wil Wheaton) so that may have been having an impact on how I saw this picture… Once again, a big thanks to Sonya and to her prompt. I always enjoy these but I seem to have lost the rhythm recently and keep missing the prompts… Glad to catch this one though!

In 5 Years Time: A Thursday Thought

Where will you be in 5 Years time? Can you visualise it? These are the questions being asked today.

I’m doing something a bit different this Thursday, by answering the questions posed by Shelley’s Blog in her post January in Review!

Q1. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What small steps can you take between now and December 31st to achieve it?

In 5 years I see myself as a writer/photographer. I’m out of the daily 9 – 5 grind, I’m out of the sterile, stressful, impersonal office, and I’m in a studio of my own. Level Up Photography is bringing in frequent customers, Dark Background is publishing my work and the works of others, and in the down time I’m writing my novels or working on the Clouds.

The small steps to get there are the usual: Do more! Write more! Greg and I over at Level Up have been meeting this week, we’re getting the paperwork sorted, the website sorted and we have a client meeting in a few weeks. Things are running smooth there. As for my writing, I just need to write more, as I always need to, but thankfully I’ll finally be getting my study set up this month so that should create a dramatic increase in productivity.

Q2. What does a day in the life of your dreams look like? Write your perfect day from the minute you wake up to when you go to bed. Where are you, who are you with, what would you do?

I wake up next to Kirsty. We snuggle for a bit before getting up.

We go downstairs and feed Toby (our Cat) and, if Kirsty has it her way, the dog (She’s Pug-Obsessed).

We cook breakfast and call down the kids (I’m assuming this is the 5 years’ time, scenario)

I leave for the studio, and drop the kids to school along the way.

I work on my latest novel, or read the latest manuscript, or edit the latest clients photographs.

When all my appointments are done I drive back home.

I spend some time with Kirsty before we have to pick the kids back up.

Then in the evening we all eat together, we watch TV, read, or play boardgames.

The kids go to bed, Kirsty and I snuggle on the couch, Toby tries to squeeze in between us as always.

We go to bed together, I read for a bit, then we fall asleep to begin the day anew.

Q3. If money was not an issue what career would you have or what lifestyle would you adopt?

Studio! Studio! Studio!

Writing, Photography, Publishing.  They’re my main aims; they’re how I want to make my livelihood.

That said, “if money was not an issue” I’ve always said I’d love to run my own small games company. It’s a daydream of mine that, when I win the lottery, I’ll hire a bunch of students and create video games… Put my writing into that form as well as books and blogs!

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So, there we have it. That’s where I will be in 5 years… Give or take. As always, thanks to Shelley for those reflective questions, was great fun to fill out! Why not give it a go? Feel free to ping back here so I can see yours too!

How to be on the Clouds! A Guest Post Offer.

Want to be up on the Clouds? Apply to Guest Post here!

What a superb bit of serendipity that Work in Progress Wednesday (WiPW) lands on the 1st of February! Mainly because, for me at least, it’s about to become Focused February. That’s right, we’re already one month into 2017 and it’s time to kick myself up the bum and get FOCUSED. I’m excited, are you?

As part of my focus of Focused February I’m looking to focus on all of you; the readers, the writers, the photographers, the painters. All of you that are out there! I want to share with you, I want to hear your insights, I want to be invested in what you’re doing and breath in your inspiration.

That’s why I’m advertising the offer to be featured here on the Clouds. There will be a space every Wednesday for someone to talk about their Work in Progress (whatever it may be!). My ideas for the feature are for you to share something about what you’re working on, what you’ve recently learnt, or what’s recently inspired you. I’m happy for you to write a post, share a tutorial, or display a photo… I’m even happy to interview you about your work if you so wish! There’s more information over at the main page, with a few more ideas and a way to contact:

And, here are a couple of the past Guest Posts we had for NaNoWriMo!

WiPW – NaNo Edition: Featuring Cynthia

WiPW – NaNo Edition: Featuring Dominika

If you’re interested, simply let me know! Either comment down below or, preferably, fill out the form!

Thanks for stopping by! Feel free to share this with anyone you know who might be interested! And if that’s you, apply now!