Behind the fireplace in the drawing room, once you’d moved the book case slightly to the side, lay her safe space, her sanctuary; a place where the rest of the world just didn’t exist.
It served her those nights when her siblings were squabbling, when her mother had been drinking, or when her father was crying; those times when the world seemed so wrong and made no modicum of sense.
Recently, though, she had found need for it more frequently, as though things were slowly breaking apart, and her once sturdy sanctuary walls were now permeated more easily… the outside world was getting harder ignore.
The Switch pulsated; bright, rainbow light breaking into the pitch black room.
Everything about it was as exciting as it was mysterious.
Still, some part of her resonated with it, as though her life had lead her to this moment, and, deep down she somehow knew that it had to be pressed.
This prompt brought out a nervous twitch in me, as I’m still lamenting not buying the Nintendo Switch… May can’t come soon enough! Still, it was nice to partake in another wonderful challenge posed by Sacha, in which we had to write a 52 word piece using only the prompt of “The Switch”.
As I write this I’m drinking a bottle of Pepsi Max… I wish I could claim it is some sort of experiment I am conducting, but really I’m just thirsty and it was the only thing available (besides plain water, bleh!).
Last month I was doing Fizz Free February: A Fight with Caffeine Addiction and I thought that, after my first post and since it’s now March, that it was worth checking in on this subject to see how I was fairing a month down the line. In the interest of accuracy, it is worth noting that, dispite ‘Fizz Free’ being the title, I wasn’t 100% Fizz Free. In fact, it is probably more apt to call it ‘Reduced Fizz February’ instead. That said, even Kirsty will admit my habits are completely and utterly changed.
So, when have I been drinking ‘Fizz’ (in our case, Pepsi Max). I’ve drank the dreaded Fizzy Pop when it’s been a bit of a treat, i.e. with a meal out, or with a takeaway (might as well, since I’m ruining my body with grease anyway, right?). That said, there have been a few moments where I’ve had a bottle, one of those 600ml, 20% Bigger** bottles, and I’ve drank them fairly slowly. I used to drink these constantly, I could finish them in a few minutes, but now? Well, I can make one last. Not only that, but they sometimes leave me feeling a bit naff. They make me feel bloated and yuck… this one certainly is!
Of course, I used to notice this before, but I think I was just that conditioned to filling up my body with them that I’d accepted it as a standard feeling. It wasn’t until I felt better that I began to realise the body shouldn’t feel this way. That’s a lesson for life right there, sometimes you don’t realise how naff you feel until you feel better.
For some people this might be enough to never touch it again, but like a kid (or, lets face it, Grown Ass Adult) who keeps eating his weight in chocolates despite the awful repercussions afterwards, I’ll still continue to drink it; I know I will. I also know, though, that my addiction is broken.
I certainly don’t find myself craving it as I used to. When faced with the option of a drink of Pepsi Max or a drink of Water (with Cordial, thanks) I would always opt for the Pepsi Max, it always seemed the most delicious. Now though, coupled with the bloating after effects, I realise it just doesn’t quench my thirst, and I notice I actually prefer to reach for my cordial infused water far more often.
As for Caffeine, the major feature of the previous article, I’m not entirely sure I’ve fully recovered. I have days where I wake up as though I haven’t slept, where it feels like the time between my head hitting the pillow and my alarm (Kirsty’shairdryer) going off were instantaneous. I think these moments are just symptoms of life, though, rather than symptoms of caffeine withdrawal. Same goes for me being moody, having a foggy head, or being demotivated. These are just my usual cycles, previously enhanced by withdrawal, and now settling into a norm. Who knows, though? All I know is I don’t need it anymore, and that’s good. Too much reliance on anything outside of prescribed medication is a bad thing.
So, has Fizz Free February been a success? Damn right it has.
At least, I think it has.
Let’s Recap: No more addiction, no more cravings, saving a ton of money (who knew Water was so cheap?), and functioning with minimal withdrawal.
What is Valentine’s Day? Waste of Time? Sign of Corporate Greed? Pagan Festival rebranded by the Romans?
Valentines is one of those days people either seem to love or hate. People either buy into the overly romantic nature of the holiday, or dismiss it as nothing more than an excuse to claw money away from society. In truth, many holidays follow a similar suite.
Christmas, is often advertised well in advance, making sure nobody misses the memo that we have to spend money to enjoy the season, that we have to buy our loved ones the best gifts to show them we love them the most. Even Easter, which will soon be upon us, joins its festive brethren in advertising and cost; you must buy Chocolate Eggs, you must cook a big dinner.
Valentine’s gets a big brunt of this though, with statements like “I don’t need one day a year to show someone I love them”, “I don’t need a gift or present just to show love”, and “it’s just another meaningless day”. The thing is… I get that. The thing is… I agree.
But why so cynical?
When I was younger, when I was at the height of my ‘down with the system’ beliefs, I couldn’t have agreed more. Then I realised something, I realised that these things are what you make of them, and only what you make of them.
In the true vein of Capitalism, Corporations are going to do everything they can to push things onto us; they’re going to offer sales, deals for couples, breaks away. That’s what they’ll do, like with every other day and every other reason they can find to make you spend money. It’s up to you, though, if you buy into it… and hell, maybe you’ll get a cheap deal for something?
My biggest argument is when people say “I show someone I love them all year round, why should we have a day to it?” and my argument is simple… “Why not?”. If you show someone just how much you love them as often as is possible, every moment of every day, that’s absolutely great. In our busy, hectic lives it’s sometimes easy to forget things though, it’s sometimes easy to take people for granted. Why not utilise one day a year that really does say “I love you”. Nobody is saying you only show love on Valentine’s Day; that’s a terrible argument. See the day as a reminder, just a little memo, that maybe you should tell/show someone just how much you love them.
More to the point, use the day to just say “I love you” to more than just your partner. Love is such a strong emotion, yet it’s one we don’t show as often as we should. Tell your partner you love them, tell your parents, your siblings, your friends and your colleagues.
I suppose a summary to this, and to my thoughts on all the holidays, is to use them as reasons and excuses to show someone your love. Don’t want to buy cards and gifts? Don’t! Why not make something or do something instead? Don’t want to go out for an expensive and busy meal? Don’t! Cook something nice or have a cheeky takeaway together. Kirsty will often say one of the best things I can do is tidy up, do chores that she’d normally do, and just show I’ve thought about her in some way. That stuff is free!
Things can be pushed onto us all we like, and it’s true that everyone will try to make a quick buck, but see the occasion for your own reasons. I love Christmas, because it’s a reason to see all my family, it’s a reason to show them how much I love to spend time with them; but I try to do that as often as possible too. I treat Valentine’s the same. Kirsty and I show each other our love Every. Single. Day. but this time of year we also just make an extra effort to make a bit of time for each other, or maybe cook something a bit different, or to bake/make/craft something. The day doesn’t have to be a waste of time, it just depends on how you treat it.
How will you be spending Valentines Day? Do you hate it? Or do you celebrate it?
So, I’ve been a bit lax on the blog this week, my motivation has pretty much dried up, and I fully blame the caffeine (or lack, thereof).
Work has also been super busy, with my manager away I’ve had to step onto the plate, and it’s left me tired, drained, and a little bit moody.
That’s not the attitude though is it?!
The purpose of Friday Feelings was to discuss something positive; it was to be a reflection of the week gone by and find the good in it. I think one of the best things you can do to promote gratitude and positivity in your life is to reflect and give thanks for the things/people/events in your life. It’s the purpose behind the Happiness Jar.
So, after a crummy week of too much stress and too little play, I want to tell you all about last weekend, because as I alluded to on Tuesdays blog,it was damn good.
Friday Night was Date Night for Kirsty and Me. We may live together, we may spend almost all of our free time together, but we still insist on having a Date Night. Much like a reflection, a showing of gratitude, it is a way for us to make a moment of time be just for us. Sure, we eat together almost every night, sure we go to bed at mostly the same time and sleep next to each other, but to take a moment where we get a little dressed up, and sit with phones off and eat good food… that’s pretty perfect to me. This Date Night had been a long time coming, but we’d been saving it till Kirsty passed her qualification at work… another thing to be proud of this week!
Escape. Live. Birmingham.
I don’t need to say more, but I will. EscapeLive, for those of you who don’t know, is a team based game where you’re trapped in a room with clues to solve; don’t solve the clues, don’t escape, simple as that. Think Crystal Maze without Richard O’Brien. So, Kirsty and I, armed with two friends Andy and Jess, took on Time Machine. This was the second time we’d ever done an EscapeLive and it was just as fun as the first time. There’s always that slight worry that it was a novelty, something that when you’d done once, you’d done them all; but it’s not the case. The first room we’d done, Dr Wilsons Office, was a brilliant introduction to the concept of the Escape. Time Machine kind of spun that on its head and kept it fresh. I strongly recommend it to anyone and everyone.
So there you have it, the week might have been a bit crummy, but last weekend was strong. This weekend is looking great too, with my first ‘night out‘ in ages (I’m getting old) and an early Valentines Day meal tomorrow… What’s not to look forward to?
Do you drink a lot of fizzy drinks? Consume a lot of Caffeine?
I do; I’m addicted. Here’s what’s happening as I cut down.
I had a brilliant weekend this weekend just gone. Kirsty and I went out for a Miller and Carter on Friday, to celebrate an achievement with her work, then Saturday we went out with two friends for Food and to “Escape the Room” at EscapeLive in Birmingham (Second time we’ve been; Highly recommended!), then Sunday we just relaxed together; she played games and I read. However, Monday morning I realised I felt… down. I was tired, for a start. My Fitbit said I’d been awake/restless 22 times during the night and now, during the day, I was struggling to keep my eyes open. Then, couple that with the kind of lethargy that hits when you realise the fun weekend you were looking forward to is over, and now you have a full day at work where you don’t feel fulfilled on a good day… It all adds up.
It was so bad, in fact, that I didn’t write. Normally Monday would be a #MondayBlog, but this week I just didn’t write one. Sure, I should have had one planned in advance anyway, scheduled to go, but in any event if I don’t I would always write one on the day; not so this time. Oh well, maybe Tuesday would be a better day?
Only Tuesday came, Today came, and I’m still tired. I’m unbelievably tired considering how long I’ve slept. I remember, vividly, how often I was awake last night, and I’ve spent all day rubbing my itchy, tired eyes, counting down until I can be in bed again. I’ve spent the day in a melancholy bubble, surrounded by a deep desire to, not only not be at work, but to not really be doing anything. I feel so apathetic. I feel my drive gone. I feel the need to just cuddle up into a ball and waste my day under a duvet, watching rubbish on TV and adding zero value to my life. That’s how Today feels. However, Today I also discovered the reason for it.
Or more to the point; Caffeine Withdrawal.
Here on the Clouds, I’ve been doing Fizz Free February. I’m not sure it’s actually a thing, it’s something I’ve just invented for myself. Whilst I’m sure most of you know the negatives of drinking fizzy drinks, and you probably get preached to as often as I did, what they don’t often tell you is what you face when you stop.
You see, Fizzy drinks were my main source of Caffeine. My addiction to Pepsi Max saw it replacing all other drinks in my day. Morning drink? PepsiMax. Drink with Dinner? PepsiMax. Quick sip of something before heading to bed? PepsiMax. About the only drink I didn’t replace was Beer, which is unhealthy in its own way. I never claimed what I was doing was right, but I’d never admit my problem was getting a little out of hand. So, as part of a healthier eating routine I’m doing, I thought I’d cut out my addiction; Lent’s around the corner anyway, I’m just a little early.
Let’s just say it’s left me feeling rough; far rougher than I thought.
It’s amazing how something I’d slowly been filling my body with has taken an invisible toll on me. Whilst I was consuming Pepsi Max, I never really noticed just how much caffeine I was putting into my body, and now that I’ve stopped my body is in a withdrawal I never expected. In fact, I didn’t even immediately blame my symptoms on withdrawal, I thought it was just me being me. I struggle with anxiety, I struggle with apathy, and maybe it was just another of my cycles… It wasn’t until I started looking up caffeine withdrawal, after a moment of thinking “Damn, I wish I could drink some PepsiMax on this awful, tired day”, that I realised the thing I thought could cure me, was the thing that made me worse in the first place, and there we have addiction.
Do these sound familiar to you? because they sure did to me. Headaches? Check. Brain Fog? Check. Irritability? Just ask Kirsty. In fact, the site went on to explain some of these in further detail.
Sleepiness: This just isn’t your normal tiredness, this is sitting up straight but still can’t keep your eyes open tiredness.
Lethargy: Forget about productivity at this stage because you’ll be unmotivated to do anything from the feeling of the lack of energy.
Lack of Concentration: Forget school, studying, brain surgery, or jet engine repair during this stage of withdrawal.
Reading this page I had a lightbulb moment, shining a golden glow into the shadows of the unknown. This was me, here on the page, and these were the things I was thinking/feeling.
So what am I going to do going forward?
I’m going to keep #FizzFreeFebruary going; despite the symptoms. I hate the idea that something could take this much toll on me and draw me back with invisible strings; it was my choice to drink PepsiMax and it’ll be my choice to cut down on it. Caffeine Informer goes on to say, “Even after the withdrawal period is over, many still never feel quite as good as they do when they’re drinking caffeine all of the time”, and whilst this has put a pretty big fear into me, I’m going to try not to let it be that way.
The thing is, I know the cause now and that makes me feel more confident. Knowledge is Power, after all, and it’s given me a power to keep going. Sure, I’m still at the start of my journey, I’ve seen that some symptoms get worse before they get better, but I know why they’re happening now and that gives me strength to disassociate with the negativity. I may not sleep well tonight, due to the withdrawal, but I’ll sleep better due to the knowledge.
Q1. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What small steps can you take between now and December 31st to achieve it?
In 5 years I see myself as a writer/photographer. I’m out of the daily 9 – 5 grind, I’m out of the sterile, stressful, impersonal office, and I’m in a studio of my own. Level Up Photography is bringing in frequent customers, Dark Background is publishing my work and the works of others, and in the down time I’m writing my novels or working on the Clouds.
The small steps to get there are the usual: Do more!Write more! Greg and I over at Level Up have been meeting this week, we’re getting the paperwork sorted, the website sorted and we have a client meeting in a few weeks. Things are running smooth there. As for my writing, I just need to write more, as I always need to, but thankfully I’ll finally be getting my study set up this month so that should create a dramatic increase in productivity.
Q2. What does a day in the life of your dreams look like? Write your perfect day from the minute you wake up to when you go to bed. Where are you, who are you with, what would you do?
I wake up next to Kirsty. We snuggle for a bit before getting up.
We go downstairs and feed Toby (our Cat) and, if Kirsty has it her way, the dog (She’s Pug-Obsessed).
We cook breakfast and call down the kids (I’m assuming this is the 5 years’ time, scenario)
I leave for the studio, and drop the kids to school along the way.
I work on my latest novel, or read the latest manuscript, or edit the latest clients photographs.
When all my appointments are done I drive back home.
I spend some time with Kirsty before we have to pick the kids back up.
Then in the evening we all eat together, we watch TV, read, or play boardgames.
The kids go to bed, Kirsty and I snuggle on the couch, Toby tries to squeeze in between us as always.
We go to bed together, I read for a bit, then we fall asleep to begin the day anew.
Q3. If money was not an issue what career would you have or what lifestyle would you adopt?
Studio! Studio! Studio!
Writing, Photography, Publishing. They’re my main aims; they’re how I want to make my livelihood.
That said, “if money was not an issue” I’ve always said I’d love to run my own small games company. It’s a daydream of mine that, when I win the lottery, I’ll hire a bunch of students and create video games… Put my writing into that form as well as books and blogs!
So, there we have it. That’s where I will be in 5 years… Give or take. As always, thanks to Shelley for those reflective questions, was great fun to fill out! Why not give it a go? Feel free to ping back here so I can see yours too!